Prioner to President in one Lifetime

The true greatness of anyone is how he or she touches the hearts and the soul of not just those he meets but of those that he does not meet.  The world lost a great man when Nelson Mandela passed away.  A man who became and remained one of the leading citizens of the world as a Senior citizen.

Quotes from Nelson Mandela:

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.

 

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

 

A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.

 

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.

 

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.

 

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.

 

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

 

It always seems impossible until its done.

 

After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.

 

There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.

 

There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.

 

We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.

 

A good leader can engage in a debate frankly and thoroughly, knowing that at the end he and the other side must be closer, and thus emerge stronger. You don’t have that idea when you are arrogant, superficial, and uninformed.

 

Money won’t create success, the freedom to make it will.

 

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.

 

Does anybody really think that they didn’t get what they had because they didn’t have the talent or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?

 

Let there be work, bread, water and salt for all.

 

Let freedom reign. The sun never set on so glorious a human achievement.

The Independence Issue

“I am still OK to drive!”

Talking with a senior about issues related to that person needing to relinquish some form of their independence is very frustrating for everyone involved.  Yet, if we look deep enough into such a dialogue between father and son over the need for dad to stop driving, we can see a much more profound level of interaction occurring.

Rarely does anyone talk about the “crisis” that confronts all elders and the struggles they face in their daily lives when it comes to their independence.   Personality development books, clearly define the “crisis” that each individual must resolve before moving on to the next stage of their life  (i.e., teenagers need for independence versus their need for their parents protection and nurturing).   We understand the stages of development that have brought us to where we are because we lived through those stages and learned first-hand what happened.   We have no such log for our elder’s developmental stages.   Yet logic tells us that elders still face age related crises’.

 

It is important that we all understand that aging is a lifelong development.   It doesn’t stop when we retire, or when we reach a certain age, it lasts as long as we do (and then some might argue that such development continues vicariously through the children of the elder).

 

The crisis faced by the elders of today have as much to do with trying to maintain control in their lives despite the changes and losses that occur almost daily, as it does with the communication gap for those trying to help the elder during these unsettled times (family, Doctors, neighbours etc.).

 

What I clearly hear is that Seniors can ramble from topic-to-topic, repeating stories over and over again, etc, while at the same time their son or daughter have this need to focus and get results from every word – no wasting time on needless communication. Yet, the crisis dictates that the elder needs to continually work on maintaining control versus letting go.

 

With an altered communication style we can deal with the crisis, rather than saying to dad, “Dad, you have to apply the brakes sooner so we don’t stop with a jerk,” or, “Dad, you have to learn how to drive more defensively in today’s world,” it would be better to address dad’s driving “issues” by asking him, “How much more difficult does it seem to drive today as compared to 40 years ago?”  Understand, through your use of words, how the elder feels and thinks about their situation in life now, versus when they were your age.  As in most relationships, be empathetic and listen, rather than talking through or around the elder’s feelings.

If we can finally understand this stage of human development, just maybe our children will be better able to handle our aging process.

The Cookie as a Cure

Sure, we know that guns kill.  We know that Cancer can be terminal, and most of us have that have kids have heard the phrase ‘Stranger Danger’.  Sadly there are legions of people who still don’t recognize the inherent dangers associated with Frustration, Anger and Stress.

All three of these are things that each of us deals with on a daily basis.  They are also things that increase with time, and therefore as we age.  While they are on the rise, our ability to deal with them decreases over time.  As age Father Time takes a toll on us physically, mentally and emotionally, our frustration at not being able to cope with specific things as we have done so in years past turns into anger and quite naturally leads to increased stress levels.

The Frustration, Anger and Stress may be exhibited with anger and hostility, tears, depression or other changes in moods, or even a change in appetite and or alcohol consumption levels.  With Seniors less obvious or perhaps less recognizably associated signs include changes in physical and mental health.

 

Communications and education are very important in dealing with pretty much every life threatening issue.  If only we could talk Cancer into remission; if only we could sit and listen to a person with Parkinsons’ and erase the disease.  Good communications and proper education help us to deal with such diseases but with Frustration, Anger and Stress, communication and education not only help deal with the day – to – day issues, but sitting talking and actively listening actually are part of the cure.

By sharing the frustrations, the Senior is actually participating in his or her own cure.  Helping a family member, friend or neighbour with the things that cause their Frustration, Anger and Stress might help to reduce their blood pressure; it might help them to rediscover their appetite or ease the depression.  Any one of these outcomes could save their life.  For the moment at least.

Since Frustration, Anger and Stress are unavoidable each of us has a responsibility to follow up with what we’ve started.  It’s not enough to just passively sit and listen and then to assume that the problem is solved.  Implementing preventative measures can help, such as getting hand rails installed or a special phone with extra large numbers and that lights up when a call is coming in.  Regular and timely follow-up may be as simple as calling the house to chat every couple of days; taking in the garbage bins for the neighbour; dropping by with a couple of warm cookies that you made.

Who knew that a cookie could be the start of a cure !!!

Long Distance Care Giving

In today’s world, long distance caregiving is quickly becoming not only a reality but also a necessity.  As it has become more and more common for families and friends to be separated by great distances, at some point in our lives, our parents, grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, or even our brothers and sisters may need in-home care.

Your parents say that everything has been going along smoothly, when you saw your parents over the holidays they seemed to be coping just fine.  One phone call is all it takes and suddenly you are faced with the challenge of long distance caregiving, and the questions start…..usually with “oh my God, now what ?”

What factors lead to the phone call ?     Do your parents need assistance with walking ?     Has their physical and or emotional health been declining ?     Are they able to prepare nutritious daily meals ?     Are they able to shop for themselves ?     Are they able to manage their bills and financial responsibilities ?     Are they taking their medication on-time ?     Are they still able to drive safely ?     Are they in need of companionship ?     Are they able to dress and groom themselves ?

Hopefully the answer is yes to most of these, but what about the answers that are not yes ?

Here are some tips…………

Educate yourself and your family, and to prepare ahead of time.

It’s frustrating to be separated by distance and be trying to manage things remotely, so share the workload with other family members.

Talk to the home where they live, talk to the CCAC, ask neighbours or call City Hall and ask to speak to someone at the Seniors Center (they’ll probably just give you a phone number, but its somewhere to start).

Make sure that there is lots of communication, there is nothing worse than setting something up for someone only to find out that that is not what they want.  Phone and visit as often as you can.

Let go of the guilt, everyone lives where they live for a reason, and long distance caregiving is manageable.  Nobody wants you to give up your life to look after them, so accept long distance caregiving for what it is.  A tool to let everyone live better.

The Importance of Respite Care

Lets start with an understanding of the word and concept of RESPITE.  Respite is a short hiatus or a break from certain duties.  In the verbiage of the care industry, respite means to have someone else look after providing care.

Respite care is very important when dealing with a long-term or life long situation.    Acquired brain injuries, MS, Alzheimer and Parkinson’s to name just a few.  But respite is not limited to just the catastrophic issues.  Respite is to provide a relief of the stress and hard work that is involved with any care.

No matter what the issues are that are being faced, the bottom line is that it can be a full-time job.  Yes it is often a labour or love, but looking after the one we love can be taxing both physically and emotionally.  The primary Care-Giver needs respite care to come and relieve them, even just for a few hours.

Time to go out for a walk on your own, go to an appointment or to go shopping, time to just unwind.  These seem simple enough but without respite care in place, the primary care-giver can and will get worn down to the point where he/she starts to suffer as well.  Once this happens, what happens to the one being looked after ?  if the primary care-giver falters, what happens ?

It can be very difficult to accept sometimes, and it may seem selfish to allow someone to come in and do things that you yourself can do.  The reality however is the exact opposite.   It is selfish not to accept the idea that respite care should be part of your care plan for your loved one.  Without respite as part of the plan, you are not addressing your continuity and therefore there is a huge hole in the overall care plan.

Imagine a scenario where a 72 year old lady and her 77 year old husband that suffers from some form of dementia, and that they have been living in their own home for the last 52 years.  What happens when she gets worn down from looking after her husband ? What will happen if she were to have a fall ?

It can be very hard to accept care to come into the house but then again, think of the consequences of not accepting help.

Pride goes before a fall and is followed by a broken hip.

Homecare is not just at the House

According to legend (or history) over 1900 years ago a Roman by the name of Pliny the Elder is credited with the saying “Home is where the Heart is.”  Of course, we all know the saying and most people believe it to be true.  What I doubt Pliny the Elder ever thought about was that Homecare is also where the heart is. 

Just like a Housewife never married a house, Homecare is not about maintenance on the house, nor does it mean services are provided just in at the house.  Rather, the saying tells us that where-ever we are living is where our hearts reside.

Homecare is provided where-ever it is needed, and can certainly follow us anywhere that it is needed.  Regardless if whether a loved one is in a hospital temporarily or for a longer stay, Homecare can be there with them.  Homecare is regularly provided in Long-term care residences, Nursing Homes, hospices, retirement communities, condos and apartments.

Nobody wakes up in the morning and decides that they want Homecare for no reason at all, usually something prompts the decision. Where-ever we are living, and for however long we’ll be there we need to remember that Homecare is available where we call home.  Homecare is there to provide that extra level of service to help ease our burdens and to help make life a little nicer.

As the type of Home you live in changes, so too do your needs.  So too do the Homecare services.  If we are going to be moving into a Seniors Residence we may not need the same type of assistance that we needed before.  For instance the Residence may look after the laundry and the medications, but getting your home organized and dealing with the changes that are happening might be something can be helped with instead.  At the Hospital it might just be to fluff a pillow and to provide a friendly visitor through the day to help deal with anxiety, loneliness, depression or dementia.   Just knowing that someone is there can be such a tremendous benefit.

Home is where the Heart is, and so too is Homecare.